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Pax Americana
Let us not fool ourselves. America has assumed the role of the world's policeman
BY the time this appears in print, guns in Iraq should have fallen silent and tongues begun to wag more eloquently than before. Let us have no illusions: America's might prevailed over majority of member nations of the United Nations as well as the world opinion opposed to the war.
It will now have to persuade all of us that it used its might for the right. It will take a lot of strenuous arguing on its part. Since in its self-righteous use of force it also reduced the United Nations to impotence. It will have the daunting task of rejuvenating it or reconstitute another international body in which the people can repose more faith. However, its immediate task will be to install an administration in Iraq which will be acceptable to the Iraqis who feel hurt and humiliated. This will not be easy. It is hardly likely that they will accept a ready-made regime patched of emigre Iraqis assembled in Kuwait and hail it as their liberators. On the contrary a US manufactured Iraqi government will be looked down upon as stooges and puppets of a hostile power. Not many nations are likely to give it recognition and enter into diplomatic relation with it.
Let us not fool ourselves. America has assumed the role of the world's policeman. It has been able to do so because the United Nations which should have played that role became a house divided against itself. And America became a superpower the like of which the world has never witnessed so far. Unlike past empires of the Chinese, Romans, Spaniards or the British it does not have to conquer and occupy foreign lands; it floods their markets with its products, Americanizes their way of living, dressing, thinking and speaking and, if necessary, chastises them. It also gives them money and job opportunities. America is today the country to which young people of the world want to emigrate. If you don't believe me just go to the consular sections of American embassies in any country, see the long queues of visa seekers and ask anyone of them why they want to leave their own countries and settle in the US. You will get the right answers.
Irritating Fun
MOST of us watch TV for information or manoranjan (amusement). A growing number do so to get spiritual solace from pravachans (sermons), bhajans and keertans. There are plenty of channels which cater to the needs of the spiritually hungry. Now that I hardly ever go out of my home, I rely heavily on my TV to tell me what is going on in the world: the war in Iraq, sing-song competitions, liaisons between film stars, sports: tennis, cricket, hockey, basketball, bowling; lies politicians tell, how they stab each other in the back, scams, murders, rapes - you name it, TV has it. Recently I have got booked on to channels which forecast everyone's future and publicise charity. I do so not because they inform or amuse me but because they irritate me. I get malicious pleasure in irritating myself.
To prophecy about the future you have to have the proper stage-setting and make-up. Our sooth-sayers have mastered both arts. The stage usually has signs of the Zodiac flying around. Sooth-sayers must have benign smiles of sabjantawalas (know-alls), saffron robes, flowing beards and fore-heads smeared with ash or appropriate caste-marks to lend an air of authenticity to their pronouncements. The reigning champion of TV's prophets is a middle-aged gentleman with a mop of silver-white hair, grey eyes, clean-shaven, a fancy embroidered kurta and a couple of necklaces round his neck. Instead of astral signs floating behind him he has a halo of Aum behind his head and on his forehead a neatly drawn crescent moon and star: the very image of Lord Shiva on Mount Kailash. He speaks very shudh Hindi with Sanskrit words thrown in. He calls Jyotish the greatest of sciences. In short a man after minister Murli Manohar Joshi's heart who is currently the most important upholder of Vedic Jyotish. This TV prophet reels off names of astral phenomenon before he answers questions from his readers. Most of them are about job prospects, matrimonial problems and health. He takes a quick look at their birth charts, tells them about Rahu, Ketu, Shani and assures them their Mangals are in the ascendant - so all will come out right provided they break a coconut or two, sprinkle water, chant a simple mantra like Aum Namo Parameshwarah and feed a few dogs. At the end of the programme he gives his telephone numbers and advises speakers of the truth to enclose money-orders of Rs. 1,100 with their questions. The wonderful thing about this programme is that it transports me back to ages past: I don't know if I am in 2003 AD or 2003 BC. I have to remind myself that in 2003 BC there were no TVs nor telephone.
The second programme in my list of irritants could be entitled Spiritual Solace through Seva (service). It starts with the build up of the hero going round a hospital ward comforting the sick with kind words. He then seats himself cross-legged and beams the broadest of broad smiles into the camera and extols merit gained by serving the sick. His massage comes through because he looks very pleased with himself. Occasionally, he has his lady wife and they praise each other.
They burst into a beysura (out of tune) Seva main anand hee anand hai (duet on the theme) - in service there is bliss. They look blissfully happy, as they bow their heads deep to the ground to bid viewers farewell. They do not believe in the Biblical injunction: "Let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth". On the contrary they believe in telling the world by beat of drum how they are serving humanity.
Lady of Illusions
I celebrated my birthday lavishly
And spent a crore over the show.
Manuvadis blame me for misusing
public funds
For I am a Dalit, a caste classed as low.
Don't they know I am Mayawati
Not less than Radhakrishnan and Jawaharlal
I am a Dalit leader par excellence
Am I not equal to them all?
S.P. has released my video tape
With a motive foul and sinister.
It charges me with corrupt practices
For I am a Dalit Chief Minister.
(Courtesy: G.C. Bhandari, Meerut)
One for the Pakis
Posting some home-made sweets to brighten her husband's Diwali at Kargil, the army officer's wife wasn't taking any chances with his health. A note on the outer wrapping read: "If this package arrives after November 10, give it to the enemy."
(Contributed by Reeten Ganguly, Tezpur)